Thursday, September 9, 2010

A Night In Hawaii or Not

So, if any of you know me, you know I adore Hawaii. The beaches, the sand, the sun, the--oh lets be honest, I love everything about it. I've been once with my hubby and dream of going back. Literally.

Last night, my dreams took me there. Hubby and I stepped off the plane and the warm, salt-scented air greeted us. I was one hotel-room-stop away from sinking my toes into the surf. Paradise, right?

Wrong. I looked down, and there was Kid A. Now, Kid A isn't the problem herself, it was her eyes. They were red and had goobers attached to the eyelashes. One word shot through my dream mind. PINKEYE.

(I'd show you a picture, but I'm not that mean. And you deserve better, so imagine instead.)

Anywho, yup, paradise dream just went south fast and turned into nightmare city. Those of you who know me should be either groaning or laughing right now, because you know how pinkeye haunts me. There simply aren't words to describe the horror it brings into my heart. For those who don't know me, I'll try to explain. But remember, there aren't enough words. Really.

Some people are afraid of monsters, others have a hang up with spiders, or nuclear war, or death, or dismemberment, or I don't know, something bad. Well, they got nothing on me and my pinkeye phobia. It all started when my hubby received a corneal transplant and went from legally blind to ta-da I can see! (It wasn't that easy btw.) Then the doctor told me he could never get an eye infection-ever-or his body might reject his cornea, and he'd be blind.

Never tell someone with OCD tendencies something like that. Let's just say I change when someone gets pinkeye. Really change. It isn't good. The kids all sink into the corners and start to whimper, and I start scrubbing and randomly shouting things like, "Did you wash your hands?" or "Don't touch ANYTHING!" Then I wash and wash and wash every surface in the house till my hands start to bleed, and my hair falls out, and the paint starts to come off the walls, and the people with the white jackets show up, and the world ends, or hubby calms me down. A bit. See, not pretty. Picture Monk, but worse. (And if you've never seen Monk, go rent a season or two, or more, from Netflix. It's good.)

Anywho, back to my paradise dream turned nightmare. I stared into Kid A's red, demon eyes and went psycho. Do you know how hard it is to disinfect Hawaii? Sand just doesn't clean up well, and tourists touch things. A lot. We ended up in the hospital, which is another phobia of mine. Then we ended up lost in a maze of corridors trying to find a door to escape from. AND then as we raced through the halls, I TOUCHED MY EYE. Again, if you know me, you should be aghast at the horror. Aghast. If you don't know me, pretend to be aghast, or at least laugh. Please.

We never got out of the hospital. I got pinkeye. And then I woke up. I ran to the mirror, stared into my sleep-bleary eyes, and sighed. No red, not even a sign of pink. So, was it fun to spend the night in Hawaii? Not so much. It's good to be home.


Cathy Witbeck said...

Oh the dreaded pink eye. You crack me up.
I used to be in charge of giving what we called "pink eye powder" to our kittens. It was really for distemper. Their poor little eyes would practically glue shut sometimes. It was really gooby. Can you say germfest.

Jonene Ficklin said...

That's hilarious and very, very tragic -- a wasted dream trip to Hawaii. My heart aches for you! And I'm so glad your eyes are pink-eye free.

LeishaMaw said...

Cathy, germfest indeed. Thanks for commenting, and I'm so glad you stopped by.

Jonene, me too! Shudder.

Helen Ginger said...

Sounds like you have good reason to fear pink eye. Although...perhaps you need some soft soothing music to play as you fall asleep. Something nice like Tiny Bubbles or Surfing USA.


LeishaMaw said...

Helen, soothing music might be just the thing. But nothing about eyes. *Grin*

C. K. Bryant said...

ROFL! What a hysterical post. Thanks for sharing your dream and for hanging out on my blog this morning. I'm a follower now and look forward to getting to know you.

LeishaMaw said...

C.K., right back at you. Your books look fabulous. Can't wait to read them. And thanks for coming to my blog. :)

ali said...

ROFL! That was sooo funny. I mean, I'm sorry? (but funny for me at least!)

L.T. Elliot said...

I have a serious hankering to scrub and scrub. And get new eyeballs. (We hate the pinkeye, too. HATE.)
Seriously funny post, though!

LeishaMaw said...

Ali, someone better get some joy out of it-might as well be you. *Grin*

L.T., I knew we were kindred spirits. Go ahead and scrub.

Carolyn V. said...

Oh no Leisha! That is a scary dream! It's a good thing you aren't near our home this week. My son walked up the stairs this morning with pink eye. It's like the world stopped for a little while. I cleaned and he rested. I hate pink eye.

LeishaMaw said...

Carolyn, I'm so sorry for you. Really. All I had to do was sterilize Hawaii in my mind, you have to do the real thing, but at your house with out the tourists. I'm sending quick-healing vibes your son's way and fast laundry vibes to you. I hope it ends fast. Hugs.

The Huffies said...

that IS a nightmare...I know how much you fear pinkeye!! Almost as much as I fear vomit~! hoping your next dream about Hawaii is a pleasant one.


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