Thursday, July 1, 2010

Things I Never Thought I'd Have To Say

Sometimes, I hear things come out of my mouth that make me do a quick, "say what?" Most of them have to do with my children. Now, I love my kids. They're great. They also do some of the weirdest stuff I've ever heard of.

Hubby has often wondered aloud things like, "Now, who could they have gotten that from?" followed by a quick glance in my direction.

I admit, I'm a bit ... eccentric at times, and some of the things the kids do may have a distant connection to me, but not all of them. Just the ones that are completely normal. For example, I have never filled my drinking glass from the toilet. Ever. Nor do I plan on it. Shudder. But, I have eaten a dandelion. See, normal.

But as far as parenting goes, my hubby and I do okay, not perfect, or even great, but okay. All of our kids get fed. We read books to them, we teach them things, we love them, and they are all still breathing. Normally, I'd pat myself on the back for this, but I don't want to sound too all that. So instead, I'm providing you with a list of actual things we've had to say to our children over the past fifteen years, and yes, all of these things did happen. Promise.

1: We don't lick car tires.

2: We don't eat the brown things out of the toilet. EVER!

3: We don't eat food we find in the gutter at Walmart.

4: We don't eat food we find in the gutter anywhere.

5: We don't drink from the gutter, either.

6: We don't eat raw chicken.

A lot of these are about eating, scary huh? Now, you're starting to see why I'm so proud that my kids are all still breathing.

7: Don't lick the TV.

8: The vacuum isn't alive.

9: The vacuum isn't your friend. Promise.

10: We don't dive under moving cars.

11: We don't try to pet skunks. They are not cats.

12: You can't go to church in your Sponge Bob pajamas.

13: You can't go to church in your underwear.

14: Blood doesn't taste like cherries.

15: We don't eat our blood.

As I look back over this list, I'm not surprised that I look like this.

But with a head.

And okay, the skunk thing didn't happen, but as I was typing, I got this image of Kid C walking up to a skunk saying, "Here, kitty, kitty." It was pretty vivid, as was the resulting smell, in my imagination, that is. So, I put it on the list, but have now fessed up to it's non authenticness. And, authenticness should be a real word.

What crazy things have you had to say to your kids? Or what things did your parents tell you that just didn't compute?


Anonymous said...

I have a whole page on my blog dedicated to this subject called "Crazy Sayings". My husband swears we should make a book out of it. I think we need more material. ;) Funny thing was, we didn't really have THAT many of them until the boys came along... lol! My favorite is one my 4-yr-old said to ME: "Mom, we just did a kiss-fart."

This is fun - thank you for letting me know we're not the only ones! :D

LeishaMaw said...

Anie, I'll have to check out that page on your blog, and I'm scared to find out more about the kiss-fart.

Blake Goddard said...

1. Don't hit my brand new van with a sledge hammer to "fix it".

2. Don't drink milk from bottles brought by the buss boy at steak houses.

3. Quit flipping the puppy over to look at his penis.

4. Quit shooting darts at the bird.

5. You can't ice fish in the fish tank, even if you add ice.

6. Take off your mother's bra, Son.

7. Quit putting legos in my shoes.

Mary Campbell said...

Egg doesn't belong in your ear. The plunger is not walking stick. There are many more things but I can't think of them right now - good thing We have the ability to forget.

LeishaMaw said...

Blake, I like the fish tank one. Too funny.

Mary, egg in the ear. Hmmm. Sounds like you have a lively house, too. He he.

Rebecca J. Carlson said...

"Don't throw trains down the stairs!" How's that one?

LeishaMaw said...

Rebecca, trains, cars, books, dishes, siblings. Yup. All bad things for throwing down stairs.


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