More Ham

Today I told my six-year-old she was so sweet I could eat her. She leveled me with one of those are-you-kidding-me-because-you-have-no-idea-how-this-world-works-and-I-do kind of stares. Then with a straight face she said, "Eat Kid B instead. He has more ham."

I choked back a laugh and tried to keep my face neutral. It was hard, but I managed it before I asked, "Why does Kid B have more ham than you?"

She graced me with the same are-you-kidding-me stare and said, "Because he's bigger than me."

This got me thinking about having more ham. But not in the Oh-my-gosh-I-just-stepped-on-the-scale-and-I-have-more-ham kind of way. I'm talking the little extra umph some people seem to have. The pizazz kind. It's like Alice in the movie Alice In Wonderland. We're talking muchness with a rabbit kind of ham.



And I want some. In every aspect of my life. Writing, momming, wifeing, even cleaning (crazy talk, I know). I want to attack my life and have it be ham. Loads and loads of ham. We're talking this:



not this:



So, today is the day that I will get more ham. How about you? Do you want more ham?

I'm the White Rabbit. Who are you?

Lately I've been running around muttering things like, "I'm late, I'm late!" I almost sprouted white, fluffy fur and a tuft of a tail. My slim grasp on reality held me back. Barely. I might be thankful. I'm not sure though.

Why would I almost grow fur and up my leg shaving regiment? It's simple, there aren't enough hours in the day. I don't think ninety-two would be enough. Ack, that makes my eyes droop just thinking about it.

Car pools, laundry, dinner, hair appointments, children, framing closets, stuffing itchy, scratchy insulation into walls, critique groups, cleaning, reading and writing (one must make time for the bare essentials), and even a shower or two. And that was all just in the last half-hour. Well, not the shower, it will have to wait.

But yes, I think I'm channeling the White Rabbit from, Through The Looking Glass/Alice in Wonderland. Although when polled, my children voted that I'm the Red Queen. I think I may have yelled, "Off with their heads!" a few times in the last day or so. But, no, I must veto them. I have to be the White Rabbit. The Queen is never in this much of a rush, is she?

Now, I don't really want to be either the Queen, or the White Rabbit. I'd much rather be . . . Hmmm. This is such a toughie. Alice? No. The Mad Hatter? Maybe, I am a little off my rocker. The Cheshire Cat? Freaky. One of the potions? That would be fun. Ahhh, so many great choices to choose from.

If you could slip through the looking glass into the wacky Wonderland world, who would you be? Drop a comment and let me know. And, I really hope today doesn't last ninety-two hours. Please no.