Monday, August 17, 2009

My Official Complaint Against the Universe Regarding the Scarcity of House Elves

(A house elf)

I want a house elf. Plain and simple. Is one measly little house elf too much to ask? The universe has replied and, yes, apparently it is.

For those of you who might not know what a house elf is, I'll explain. In J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter series there is a type of mythical creature known as a house elf. They are small, magical, and devoted to their masters. They live to serve. They clean, prepare meals, and anything else needed. And they never, ever, ever want money for their services.

Some of you might think that children would count as having a small creature or two around the house to help, but no. It doesn't. Those of you who think that must not have read the previous paragraph very closely. (You might want to go back and re-read it just to make sure we're on the same page. I made my hubby do it.) Children don't want to help, they definitely want money if they do help, and they can't do any magic. Well, at least mine can't. Kids are basically the opposite of house elves. Kids make messes, not clean them, and I have four.

So, this is my official complaint to the universe regarding the scarcity of house elves. You can't find them.
I've looked. They're not in up-scale stores, bargain marts, or even bookstores. Well, maybe in bookstores, but not in the flesh. Just in ink, and they aren't going to do me any good in a book.

I am left with the sad reality that I may never get a house elf, and I feel cheated. Ripped off. Disillusioned. Of the many wondrous, fantastical creatures dreamed up by humans why, oh why, can't just this one be real?

True, they aren't pretty like fairies, or grant wishes like a genies, but they clean! They clean! Toilets, windows, boy's rooms, you name it. To a mom that is heaven! And they love it. Now, I know it sounds too good to be true, and some of you (or all, depending on how grounded and rational you are) might be shaking your heads and saying, "Yeah. They aren't real," but I'm going to keep looking because if I don't, I'm going to have to be the house elf, and there's no way I'm going to settle for that!


Scott said...

I hope that you can find a house elf because my wife deserves one too. My kids are grown up a little bit more than yours and they're pretty good at cleaning up. Once in a while they have to be reminded. So that is something to look forward to! Good luck in your quest, and I will keep an eye out too. :) (I love it keep it up!)

LeishaMaw said...

Thanks! But, since I haven't found one, I must leave the computer and go clean. Sigh.

Anita said...

Welcome to the blogging world. I will definitely follow your postings.

Amie said...

Maybe you should get some brownies (ala Fablehaven) instead. I think there are more of them, and they're not as noticeable.

In the meantime just tell Kenny, and then hope he does it!

LeishaMaw said...

Brownies! Hmmm. I wonder if Brandon Mull will lend me some. And the milk of course.

Carie said...

Thanks for being my lil house elf that day :( for you :) for me

LeishaMaw said...

Carie, I'll be your house elf any day.


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