Guest Blog While Leisha's on Vacation

Hello, my name is Jonene Ficklin (aka: thewonderfulobsessions.blogspot.com) , and my good friend, Leisha, invited me to guest blog today, while she is 3,000 miles away in lovely, balmy Hawaii. I happen to be a fan of both Leisha, and Hawaii, so this is an honor.

Now, Leisha isn’t your run-of-the-mill vacationer. And as she hinted last week, she tends to gain more adventures than she plans for:

http://leishamaw.blogspot.com/2011/05/top-three-things-not-to-do-in-hawaii.html

So in her honor, here are the top 10 things I hope she is/ or is not doing this time in Hawaii:

Let’s hit what I hope she’s NOT experiencing first:

1. NOT Surfing the Big One. I happen to know she got a little practice with speed, running, and adrenaline on a long board last week. The good news is she survived. The bad news is, I hear any surfing close-encounters-with-death tend to be addictive.

2. NOT doing the Wash Machine. Again. (See her blog from last week. By the way, the Wash Machine is a surfing term for getting spun around and around underwater by a wave.)

3. NOT having coqui frogs singing outside her window.  I’m told it’s like being surrounded by a preschool class of three-year-olds with whistles. If you’d like to experience it for yourself, check out this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0Ic_3uGzCE&feature=related

4. NOT forgetting sunblock the first day out. Nothing kills a vacation faster than skin the temperature/color of a forge. And although people get paid to move like a robot over there, it’s no fun to do when it’s out of dire necessity.

5. NOT trying the chocolate covered squid. Yes, it is made AND sold AND obviously bought AND eaten there. I know we’re supposed to be brave and try new things, but this one is just plain wrong – especially when chocolate covered macadamia nuts are sold right next to it.

So, here’s what I hope she IS doing:

6. Entering a chicken chasing contest. Apparently, imported mongooses (I checked just to be sure the proper plural term isn’t mongeese – and it’s not) decimated the wild chicken population on all the Hawaiian islands except Kauai. The scuttlebutt is, that the farmers brought them over to kill off rats infesting their fields. When the first batch of mongooses reached Kauai, as they were being offloaded from the ship, one bit a sailor. He chucked all the mongooses into the sea. And nowadays, tourists are surprised to see feral chickens everywhere they go. Chicken chasing has become an official tourist pastime.

7. Trying Hamura Saimin or a Loco Moco. I know these sound like a sneeze, but they’re actually local specialty foods. Hamura Saimin is a noodle and broth comfort dish, and a Loco Moco is (take a deep breath and keep an open mind) white rice, topped by a hamburger patty, topped by a fried egg, topped by brown gravy. I know it sounds crazy, but the locals swear by it. I guess in the 1960’s, some hungry teenagers asked the cook of a local restaurant to make them something quick, cheap, and filling. Voila: the Loco Moco was born. Over time, it’s evolved into a respectable dish, even tweaked and refined by the likes of famed Hawaii chef, Alan Wong.

8. Hiking (and no, not hang-gliding over) the Na Pali coast. Okay, every dinosaur, tropical adventure, and back-in-time movie shows shots of this dramatic landscape. And I really hope she remembers her camera.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hj8cKlXcKWE

9. Taking hula lessons. I would pay BIG money to see any video footage of this.

10. Taking copious notes to be used in her next awesome book. By the way, if you haven’t noticed, Leisha is an amazing writer. So Leisha, have a great time, and come home in one piece – and bring a million pictures. I’m thinking her next blog will be one you won’t want to miss!

How To Kill An Alien

Right now I am on a plane headed for Hawaii, but just to prove how much I love you guys I did the unthinkable and wrote this post ahead of time. Shocking I know. :)

Anywho, a few nights ago the dream goblin came to visit. Here is how it went down:

Kid D dreamed that one of her first grade acquaintances stabbed my hubby to death. Kid D ended up in bed with us. I don't think she likes this killer boy very much. Come to think of it, I'm not so hot on him either.

Hubby dreamed that the cats pooped all over the clean clothes.

I dreamed that six inches of snow fell overnight and killed all my tomatoes. The horror! Then I dreamed that aliens invaded the planet, and I somehow ended up correcting the eye witnesses' grammar and punctuation while the government officials debriefed them. I kept saying over and over, "Just use simple past tense and get rid of your passive verbs!"

Yeah, go ahead and laugh it up. It may sound kind of whacked, but guess how we defeated the alien invasion? Yup. We action verbed them to death. (And yes, I just used verb as a verb. I can do that, I'm a writer.) Passive verbs turned out to be an evil plague sent in advance by the aliens to weaken us and make us susceptible to domination. But we stopped them with words like stalked and talked and exploded. As in we stalked them, talked to them, and then exploded their brains with action verbs. Mwahahahahaha!

So, now you know how to kill an alien. I realize this is dangerous information, but I trust you to use your action verbs wisely. I'm pretty sure the government will set up special verb safety courses now, kind of like gun safety courses and drivers ed. Maybe they'll even teach it in schools. He he.

Anywho, as far as dreams go, Kid D must be afraid of death, Hubby must be afraid of cat poop, and I must be afraid of snow and passive verbs, because I'm sure as heck not afraid of aliens. Kapow!

What are you afraid of? What strange twists do your dreams take to express these fears? And do you ever dream about verbs. or is it just me?

The Top Three Things Not To Do In Hawaii

In four day's I'll be on a plane to Hawaii and thought I'd post about what I don't plan on doing while there.

The Number 1 Thing I Plan On Not Doing: Get a concussion.

(This explains so much about me.)

I can hear you out there wondering why this is the number one thing I plan on NOT doing while in Hawaii. It's because it really puts a damper on the rest of your vacation. I know, because several years ago Hubby and I went to Maui for the first time, and on the first day there we went to the beach. Can you say HUGE waves? As in fifteen to twenty foot monsters. Have I mentioned I'm from Utah where we don't have waves. At all. Ever.

Waves in Utah.

Waves in Hawaii

I didn't want to get in, but, yup, you guessed it, Hubby talked me into the water and out past the lethal breakers. We swam. We played. We got tired and headed in. Hubby made it. I didn't. Killer waves that pummel you into the beach are not fun. Neither is watching the world swirl and heave for days after while your brain tries to recover from being in the world's biggest jackhammer powered washing machine. Ouch.

The Number 2 Thing I Plan On Not Doing: Get stranded in the jungle seven hours from the hotel with nothing but a half-empty water bottle and a towel--all while dressed in only my swimming suit.

Yes, we did that, too. On our second day, while my head still felt like it was in the spin cycle. Did I mention concussions hurt, because they do. But don't we do awesome stuff on vacations?

Here's how that one went down:

We woke up, and I felt like dying. Concussions suck. Hubby asked what I wanted to do that day, and I croaked, "Anything but the beach."

We went on the drive to Hana and then on to the Seven Sacred Pools. The roads looked like this:



Concussions and curves = Bad.

But it was gorgeous, and we swam in secluded waterfall fed pools--with no waves. Heaven.

At least until my sweet hubby lost the car keys in the bottom of the Seven Sacred Pools. At dusk. Far, far away from civilization.

Long story short, we ended up being rescued by a native Hawaiian who carted us off to his house in the jungle (with no electricity) and helped arrange for us to get back home the next morning. Truly awesome family. Truly awesome experience. Actually, it turned out to be the best part of a great vacation, but I don't want to duplicate it this time. Just saying.

And the Number Three Thing I Plan On Not Doing: Letting my pale, white, Utah skin burn to a crisp in the tropical sun. Double ouch. Can you say sunscreen and aloe? I'd provide a picture, but I'm not that mean.

Anywho, what does this have to do with writing? Sometimes you think you know how your book will go. You have it all mapped out, outlined to within a in inch of it's death, then something happens. One concussion or another unexpected event and the whole thing takes on a new life. You can either hang on to the old expectations and bemoan the trauma, or you can go with it and see what new adventures crop up. Who knows, you may end up having an awesome romp in the jungle dressed in only a swimsuit. Sometimes the best things in writing can't be planned.

So, go do something unexpected today...just avoid concussions, getting stranded, and burning to a crisp. It's better that way, I promise.

Monsoon Field trip

This will be a short post because I have...errr I mean GET to go on a fieldtrip with Kid C into the mountains during a monsoon. And no, I don't live in Asia or Indonesia where monsoons are common. I live in Utah--a DESERT. What is Mother Nature thinking?

So, the question I have for you today is: What does one wear to go on a monsoon fieldtrip?

Galoshes?



Rain poncho?



Hip waders?



Or do I need one of these?



What does this have to do with writing. Nada. Who writes during a monsoon fieldtrip? Seriously folks, my computer would get wet and some things are just so wrong.
I'll try to tread water long enough to post a real post on Thursday.

The Magic Number Twelve

Twelve.

That's the number of days until I'll be standing on a beach in Hawaii.



I can almost hear the surf. It's almost close enough to smell. My friend sent me this link because she's awesome and loves me. Check it out:

http://youtu.be/uBLccEDmn40

What are you looking forward to? What will you be doing in twelve days?

The Great Swimsuit Caper

Last week I posted about an upcoming swimsuit shopping excursion. (Sorry to those of you who commented, Blogger ate them and I can't get then back.) That turned into the Great Swimsuit Caper.

This is how it went down.

The participants:
Me
Kid A
My Sister-in-law
Her daughter, Cousin B
Her son, Cousin D
A bunch of unsuspecting shoppers

The scene of the Great Swimsuit Caper:
Right smack dab in the middle of a crowded Costco. No wait. Right smack dab in the middle of a very crowded Costco.

I can hear you all out there saying, "Costco? For swimsuits?" You heard me. Costco. Why? You know how they have guest businesses come and sell their products for a few days every once in awhile? Well, they hosted a modest swimsuit company that has a reputation for super cute suits. Let's just say Costco and the movie Field of Dreams have something in common, but this time the whispered voice said, "If you host it, they will come."

And come they did.

Women everywhere. Packed around the swimsuit stand like...well like women desperate for a modest swimsuit. And we were there, too, circling the cute, cute suits with the rest of the horde. But there was only one problem.

Costco doesn't have any dressing rooms. None!

Have you ever attempted to buy a swimsuit without trying it on? Yeah, not a good plan. And every woman there thought the same thing. You could see it in their eyes and in the way they held the suits up--and in how they complained while circling the suits like sharks after blood.

Then my sister-in-law tugged Cousin B close and shoved the top of a suit over her head...and over her clothes.

I did a double take. And the Great Swimsuit Caper was born. Have you ever tried to squeeze a spandex swimsuit on over levis? Well, you guessed it. I did. Several times. Right there in Costco.

At first the other women just stared at us. Then they stared some more. And every person walking by stopped and stared, too. I would have stared at myself if I wasn't so busy trying to shove my fluff, augmented by several layers of clothing, into a skin tight swimsuit. Then the other women joined us. Yup, all of them.

You should have seen the look on the attendant's face as thirty-some women grabbed a suit and shimmied into it over their clothes. So worth every minute.

And we all found a suit. And I never even had to get naked. Bonus! I even had fun. Scads of it. I may never go back to the old way of looking for a suit.

What does this have to do with writing? Well, sometimes you want to tell a story but there isn't a dressing room. You can either wander around wishing you had one, or you can break out of the mold and tell your story your own way.

I recently read Glimpse by Carol Lynch Williams. It's a poignant story about secrets told in verse. And it's amazing. But it wouldn't have been so gorgeous told the traditional way.

Sometimes you have to make your own dressing room. Are you going to try something new on today?

Swimsuit Shopping and Writing Prompts

Today is the day of the dreaded swimsuit search. I have to find one. Preferably one that fits and hides a few things. And makes me look younger and thinner and and and... Well, you know what I mean. Unless you are a boy, then you don't know and therefore don't count. No offense.

I detest swimsuit shopping. It's right up there with bra shopping and death. And dishes. And pinkeye. Shudder. All bad stuff.

Why do I hate it so? Because I am not a super model. Heck, I'm not even a model citizen. But I am a mom, and as such I have fluff. Yes, fluff. And fluff, not to be confused with blubber because that just sounds so wrong, doesn't look all that good in a swimsuit. But snorkeling in Levis is hard so I need to find the suit. See?

And yes, I will be snorkeling soon. Say it with me, "Hawaii!"

So, I will brave the stores and the changing rooms and even the *gasp* mirrors. I may be scarred for life, but I will be clad in a new suit by the end of the day. Wish me luck.

And just to tie this in with writing, consider this a writing prompt. SWIMSUIT SHOPPING. Get to it, and post your finished swimsuit exercise in the comments. I'd love to read what you all do with this topic.